Becoming Mature

Before I share my testimony about learning what it means to become mature, I want to begin by pointing out Scripture that shows this is a requirement, not a suggestion.

In Matthew 5:48, Jesus says that we must be perfect, just as our Heavenly Father is perfect.

Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Matthew 5:48 NASB® 1995

The word “Perfect” here in Matthew 5:48 is teleios in Greek.

“Perfect”: Strong’s: The Greek word for the adjective,“Perfect”, is teleios (5046): Perfect, complete, mature, full-grown.
- NAS Exhaustive Concordance Definition: having reached its end, i.e. complete, by ext. perfect
- HELPS Word-studies: 5046‍ ‍téleios (an adjective, derived from 5056 /télos, "consummated goal") – mature (consummated) from going through the necessary stages to reach the end-goal, i.e. developed into a consummating completion by fulfilling the necessary process (spiritual journey). See 5056 (telos). [This root (tel-) means "reaching the end (aim)." It is well-illustrated with the old pirate's telescope, unfolding (extending out) one stage at a time to function at full-strength (capacity effectiveness).]

The question is, how do we become perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect? If Jesus is saying that we are to be this teleios person, and He is saying this even before He died and before the Holy Spirit was sent, then we need to examine this statement and not disregard it. Hebrews 5:14 gives us more insight. It says,

But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained discern good and evil.
Hebrews 5:14 NASB® 1995

The word “Mature” is the same Greek word teleios (5046) as the word “Perfect” used in Matthew 5:48. The writer of Hebrews is giving us some attributes of what the life of the teleios person looks like here on earth.

In Philippians 3, Paul says this.

More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, (This word ‘perfect’ is NOT teleios the adjective but is the verb teleioō) but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, (Here the word ‘perfect’ is teleios the adjective) have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you; however, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained. Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us.
Philippians 3:8-17 NASB® 1995

“Righteousness”: Strong’s: The Greek word for “Righteousness” is dikaiosunē (1343): Righteousness, justice
- HELPS Word-studies: 1343‍ dikaiosýnē (from 1349 /díkē, "a judicial verdict") – properly, judicial approval (the verdict of approval); in the NT, the approval of God ("divine approval"). 1343/dikaiosýnē ("divine approval") is the regular NT term used for righteousness ("God's judicial approval"). 1343/dikaiosýnē ("the approval of God") refers to what is deemed right by the Lord (after His examination), i.e. what is approved in His eyes. In a broad sense, dikaiosunē, means conformity to the Divine will in purpose, thought, and action; in a narrower sense it means justice.
“Perfect”: Strong’s: The Greek word for the verb “Perfect”, is teleioō (5048): To complete, to perfect, to accomplish, to bring to an end.
- Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance: consecrate, finish, fulfill, make perfect. From teleios; to complete, i.e. (literally) accomplish, or (figuratively) consummate (in character) -- consecrate, finish, fulfil, make) perfect.

In Philippians 3, Paul explains that he has not yet finished his race and has not yet obtained the resurrection from the dead. Nevertheless, he continues to press on in order to complete the work God has given him. As he continues, Paul says that everyone who is teleios is to have this same mindset. He is addressing believers who are teleios, calling them to think as he does—counting all things as loss because of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus.

These teleios believers have their powers of discernment trained through constant practice, enabling them to distinguish good from evil. This is how we become teleios: through grace. Titus 2:11-12 teaches that grace trains and instructs us in how to live and mature as teleios people.

My Personal Process of Growing into Spiritual Maturity

My spiritual maturing process began at age 30. I had grown up in church my whole life, but I did not truly begin to mature until I was 30 years old, when I became a stay-at-home mom. I was seeking direction from God about the course of my life, and I was reading 1 John. Through this, I was learning that I could not continue to practice sin and that I had to learn how to love God’s way, not my own.

This process began when I realized I could no longer practice sin, and I began asking God how to live differently. He asked me a question: “Do you love Me?” I answered, “Of course I love You!” He said, “Put your name in 1 Corinthians 13:4–8.” So I read the Scripture like this:

Cheryl is patient. Cheryl is kind and is not jealous. Cheryl does not brag and is not arrogant. Cheryl does not act unbecomingly. Cheryl does not seek her own. Cheryl is not provoked. Cheryl does not take into account a wrong suffered. Cheryl does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. Cheryl bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Cheryl never fails.

As I did this, I realized that I did not truly love God, and I did not truly love people. I loved the people I wanted to love, and I loved them in my own way—but not in His way. This was devastating because all I wanted in life was to love Him and please Him. At that point, I knew I could not do it on my own, so I cried out to God for help.

I began asking Him what I should do, because I desired to have a “job for Him” in my home. As I sought Him, He reminded me of a vision I had when I was 17, in which He told me that I would have a Bible study in my house. At that moment, I asked who I should invite, and specific women came to mind. We began meeting every Friday night and also throughout the week individually whenever people had free time.

I went into this thinking, We are all Christians who love God and desire to do what the Bible says. But I was quickly challenged, and it became clear that this was not the case. Conflicts within the group exposed hatred and identity struggles in myself. It brought me back to the question God had asked me: Do you love Me?

One day, I found myself telling God that I was not letting some of the women back into my home. I told God that I hated them. He said to me, “You have a love deficiency.” I was shocked. Then He said, “Anyone should be able to spit on you, and you are to still love them.” This was radical and life-changing for me.

From that point on, I set my mind on learning how to truly love others by continuing to feed everyone, finding ways to serve, and showing love in any way I could. All the while, there was still conflict with what we were learning in the Word of God. But God was using every challenge to teach me how to love the way He loves—to serve unconditionally, to die to self, and to grow in maturity.

Even though some people in the group were difficult and unkind, God told my husband and me to keep feeding them—both spiritually and physically. At times, we used credit cards just to buy food for people who were rude and ungrateful. I called this the “cheese grater effect.” I felt it was ripping the flesh right off of me.

During this time, God also began teaching me that His culture is different from the church culture I grew up in and saw all around me. Loving people His way meant being willing to be misunderstood, mocked, and even spoken badly about. It meant being okay with people “spitting on” me through their words and actions. One day, I was reading Acts and asking God, “How does what I see in Acts fit into my culture?” He said, “I do not fit into your culture; you must fit into Mine.” This, once again, was mind-blowing.

He told me that I had to be able to put my name in the Scriptures alongside Jesus, Peter, James, John, Paul, and others. I should see my name in the Scriptures beside theirs, doing the same things. This was something I had never heard before, so I began carefully examining what they did and learning how to mimic them.

As I learned this, I began looking for more practical ways to love and serve the women in our group. I bought groceries for those who needed help. I cleaned their houses, scrubbed bathrooms, and folded laundry. I did these things without expecting anything in return. I was learning that love is not just something you say—it is something you live.

But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.
1 Timothy 1:5 NASB® 1995

During this time in my life, God called our family to move to McKinney, TX. We lived in a hotel for five months while searching for a home. While living in the hotel, I struggled with how to love people. I was used to inviting people into my home and feeding them. Without a house, I didn’t know what to do. I was struggling and frustrated, thinking, I can’t do my job because I don’t have a house.

One day, God firmly told me, “Love My people.” The strong rebuke He gave me led me to start speaking to people and to begin a Bible study at a local bakery.

During this time, one of the women I met began serving my family by bringing food to our hotel. That was difficult for me to receive because I was used to being the one who gave. But God told me this would allow her to grow and would humble me. He was teaching me humility and teaching her obedience at the same time.

Eventually, we bought a house that had been destroyed by the previous owners’ dogs. This house was in bad shape; little did I know that God would use this house for further refinement and the stripping of my flesh. We didn’t have excess money for all the problems this house had, and we couldn’t live in it in the condition in which we bought it.

During this process, I wanted to stop what I was doing in the lives of women to tend to my own issues, but that was not His plan. His plan was to have me learn to serve the way He expected me to while dealing with my own mess. This killed my flesh even more, because my natural self wanted my perfect home before I started feeding people, inviting them in to study Scripture, and serving them.

This exposed more issues inside of me. God gave me this situation on purpose to do a deeper work in me. Our previous life had been too comfortable; it was easy to focus on others and not myself. But in this house, it felt like torture to deny my desires and continue loving people. This is where God was scourging me.

You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
Nor faint when you are reproved by Him;
For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines,
And He scourges every son whom He receives.”
It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.
Hebrews 12:4-13 NASB® 1995

God was continuing to shape my heart, strip away selfishness, and teach me what real love looked like. This journey has been about learning to live His Word, not just talk about it. Along the way, God continued to teach me that the process of “dying to yourself” was essential for the work He had called me to do. I struggled with perfectionism and with wanting our home to look a certain way. Yet God repeatedly asked me to die to those desires and to choose serving people instead—even when our house was in disarray, when there was mold, broken toilets, no usable kitchen for a time, and unfinished projects all over the place. During this time He also taught me to give financially even when we had our own needs; this meant trusting Him completely.

For years, I believed my calling was to women, not children. But God later rebuked me and told me to train the children coming through my home as well. He was training me to stop my life to reach whoever was in need. That meant making food, sitting with people, listening to them, and walking them through Scripture at any point and time there was a need.

Eventually, I was tending to women and children all the time. I learned what it means to have my door always open. Through all of this, God showed me that the life He was calling me to was one of constant availability. Our home, our finances, and our belongings were no longer just ours. We were called to be available 24/7.

If someone needed money and we had it, we gave it. If someone needed food, we provided it. We trusted God to supply what we needed when we needed it. This lifestyle was very different from what I had seen growing up in church. I learned to become all things to all people so that I might win some.

But I have used none of these things. And I am not writing these things so that it will be done so in my case; for it would be better for me to die than have any man make my boast an empty one. For if I preach the gospel, I have nothing to boast of, for I am under compulsion; for woe is me if I do not preach the gospel. For if I do this voluntarily, I have a reward; but if against my will, I have a stewardship entrusted to me. What then is my reward? That, when I preach the gospel, I may offer the gospel without charge, so as not to make full use of my right in the gospel.
For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more. To the Jews I became as a Jew, so that I might win Jews; to those who are under the Law, as under the Law though not being myself under the Law, so that I might win those who are under the Law; to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God but under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.
1 Corinthians 9:15-23 NASB® 1995

Through all of this, God taught us what the true church looks like. It is feeding people when you have little. It is opening your home when it is inconvenient. It is using every resource He gives you to care for His body. It is making yourself a servant so that some may be saved. It is tending the sheep, not building a platform.

These lessons taught us the importance of allowing space for growth in the body of Christ. About eight years into living and growing in the life He was teaching us to live, He began speaking to us about selling everything and going around the world to love His people. At the time, we truly had no idea what He was calling us to.

About a year before we left the United States, we shared with the church building leadership what we were doing and how we were living our lives. After this conversation, we were pushed out of the church building. People stopped acknowledging us because we were different. We were confused and hurt.

Later, we found out it was because we did not “line up” with what the church wanted us to be. That realization was painful, but it also led to a deeper understanding of what God’s church is supposed to look like.

One day, during this time of confusion, a dear friend asked, “Why don’t you just do what you do on Sundays?” We had never thought of that, so we opened our home for Sunday gatherings. God used that season to teach us that it was time to change and grow—opening our home for families who needed more than what their church building was providing on Sundays.

We began baptizing people in our tub, casting out demons from those who needed help that day, counseling families, and meeting any need in the moment. People would call us on their way home from the church they attended, asking for help, checking if we were still meeting, and wanting to come over.

This process prepared us to eventually sell everything—our house, our car, and most of our possessions—and use those resources to go wherever God sent us to find His “treasures.” This led us overseas for two years. During that time, God directed us in ways that mirrored the stories we read in the Bible. At times, we stayed in the homes of strangers from all different walks of life, ranging from an Orthodox Jewish family to a man who had committed murders. Each place stretched our faith and deepened our dependence on God.

We encountered multiple situations where the people we were staying with persecuted us for being Christians, even though we were there to love them. While serving them, we were told how foolish Christians were. In one instance, our oldest son was mocked for believing in God. We taught our children to endure and continue responding in love, no matter what.

Over time, the man who mocked our son became puzzled by our kindness. Through consistent love and service—cooking, cleaning, and caring for their children—he and his family eventually grew to love us. God led us back to stay with them again and again, allowing our relationship and their hearts to transform through His work.

One night, while staying in a home, my husband felt deeply uncomfortable and asked God why we were in that situation. God answered, “This is exactly where I would be.” That brought him peace. We learned that God often places us in uncomfortable environments so His love and truth can reach people who might never hear it otherwise.

Because of our choice to remain obedient in all situations, we witnessed how our children’s faith impacted families. In a moment of mockery, our youngest child was playing with this family’s child and declared, “Victory in Jesus’ name!” The other child responded, “It is my turn to be Jesus. Jesus always wins.” That moment silenced the mocking and brought a pause to the room. Eventually, the family trusted us enough to leave their children in our care.

Along this journey, we had to trust God with our children’s safety in ways that stretched us beyond anything we thought possible.

Through every season, God has been teaching us that maturity is not about comfort, recognition, or approval. It is about obedience. It is about dying to self daily. It is about loving people His way, not ours. And it is about trusting Him completely—wherever He sends us, whatever He asks, and however uncomfortable the path may be. That leads us back to this statement Paul makes in Philippians.

More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you; however, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained. Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us.
Philippians 3:8-17 NASB® 1995

I want to encourage you that none of what you have read was done in my own power, strength, or courage. It is only by the leading and training of the Holy Spirit in my life that I am able to live the life I live. This journey has taken place over many years, and I was a coward when I first began walking this path. If you are willing, however, He will take you on the specific journey of obedience that He has planned for your life. It will most likely not look the same as mine, but if you endure through it, you will mature and become teleios, as our Heavenly Father is teleios. If we hold fast to the Word of God, we will attain the resurrection of the dead along with those who have gone before us.

As a result of this journey, the maturing process has created in me a passion to train anyone who is willing to live this life and a desire to make space for people to grow into spiritual maturity. I have come to understand the importance of stepping back and giving others room to lead and grow. We are never to be focused on ourselves; rather, we are to focus on building God’s Kingdom, and we must do so according to His master plan.

If my story feels overwhelming or unattainable, I encourage you to begin the way God taught me. Start by reading 1 John and examining your life in light of the Word. Then study 1 Corinthians 13:4–8 and examine the way you think about and live out love. See if it aligns with God’s way of thinking. After that, study the elementary teachings listed in Hebrews 6:1–2. No matter how long you have been a Christian, this will ensure that you have a strong foundation. While studying these sections of Scripture, put into practice what they teach.

To see more on living this life, check out Being One Heart One Mind

References:

Strong’s Greek/Hebrew: Biblehub.com
Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance: Biblehub.com
Edited 3/2026
Posted 3/2026